WORDS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
One afternoon as I was leaving work I received a phone call from my sister. My father was not doing well and was being hospitalized after a sudden illness. He needed to have his gallbladder out but the doctors were also concerned there might be more going on. He had a bad infection and his blood work came back abnormal. My sister was very concerned about his declining health and wanted me to be aware. She mentioned that there was concern that my father’s cancer had returned and could be causing his lab work to be off.
My father developed Non-Hodgins Lymphoma around the time I had turned 11. His diagnosis had always been difficult for my siblings and I to handle. Ever since we first learned he had cancer we had worried that it would ultimately take him from us. As the years went by his cancer had gone into remission and had been that way now for over 10 years. It appeared that his cancer may have returned but the doctors would not know for sure without additional testing.
The Call
Her call that day made me incredibly sad as I realized this could be the end. My father might be ill and even possibly dying and I might never speak with him before he passes. At that very moment, I envisioned years as a child where my father was still a part of my life. I had many thoughts that day about whether I would be welcomed if I did visit him. Deep down I believed my father would shut me out if I tried I felt that my choices in the past had destroyed our relationship indefinitely. That was a tough thing to imagine but I was certain that this was how it would end and I had known this for years.
My sister advised me that my father was not doing well and if I wanted to see him I probably should do it as soon as possible. I was convinced that no matter what she said I could never do that. He would never allow me to visit even if I had tried. Or would he? These were the types of thoughts that I would wrestle with that entire night.
My Story
My father and I had not been close for over 8 years. We had not spoken since a bad family situation took place around 2011. My family went through a tough time about 8 years prior requiring my husband and I to step in and take custody of my two younger siblings. As you can imagine tensions and emotions ran high at that time and things had gotten messy amongst family.
Court dates, lawyers, and a very devastating situation as you can imagine had come between me and my parents. This entire experience had broken me beyond what I ever wanted to admit. My heart had become pretty hardened by everything and I was feeling very lost. Forgiveness was something I struggled with a lot as I tried hard to move past this painful experience and find joy.
The Three Signs
The next day before I started work I read an article that a friend of mine had written on her blog. Within this article, she spoke of healing and forgiveness. Her words were just what I needed at that very moment. God used her words to soften my heart and cause me to think in a way I might never have otherwise. A soft heart was something that I hadn’t had in a while, in fact the pain of the past had really begun to alter my attitude in a negative way. I started reflecting on the article and realized that God just might be trying to speak to me through her words.
Later that day I had a brief conversation with a coworker where I mentioned that my father was ill in the hospital. I don’t remember the words I spoke or even that He did I just recall his recommendation. This coworker was aware of the fact that my father and I had a strained relationship and that he was now ill. In a kind and insightful way he advised me that if I allowed this opportunity to visit my father to slip away that I may regret my choice..
He also mentioned that the night before he had been at a conference where a former baseball player spoke. This baseball player was Daryl Strawberry. Darryl had spent years filling his life with all of the wrong things. He allowed himself to be led down a very destructive path and he reached a point in life where he had to make a choice. This coworker told me I needed to hear Darryl’s testimony and about his relationship with his Dad. That day I listened to a YouTube video where Darryl spoke of seeing his abusive father and choosing to forgive him. Once again that feeling a nudge to reconsider visiting my father was weighing on my heart and mind. I felt like God had was telling me that I needed to go but I was still resisting. In my mind I knew I would never be welcomed and I feared his reaction and his words if I did show up.
After work, I received a call from my sister she said “Andrea, your Uncle came to visit Dad today and when they said guess who is here Dad guessed it was you and had a smile on his face!”
I did not believe what she was saying at that moment I was shocked. I started crying as I realized that he possibly did want to see me. My father who I had avoided for over 8 years was hoping that I would come to see him in the hospital. I went home that day and told my husband we have to go visit my Dad. He was shocked, to say the least, I can only imagine the concern for me knowing how hard this would be for me.
The Visit
We drove to the hospital that night and the whole drive there I was still hesitant. I knew for a fact I was supposed to go but internally I was battling the urge to turn around and run to safety. To avoid the situation that I was willingly placing myself in that could lead to further hurt and rejection.
We entered the hospital and made our way to his room and the whole time God was calmly leading me right where he had been guiding me that whole time. I entered the room and my Dad smiled and said my name. The next words out of his mouth were I was praying that you would come. That day I realized that God had used 3 people to guide me to my Dad’s bedside. He used the words written by my friend to speak to me, the kind words of my coworker Dale and the story of Darryl Strawberry’s life to assure me that I needed to visit my father. Then finally he used my sister to speak the words I needed to hear to assure me that my father wanted to see me even though that was so difficult for me to even believe.
My Life Was Changed
If you ever think a life cannot be changed by just a few words my life is proof that it can be. If that article had not been written, my coworker had not taken the time to share Darryl’s story with me, or if my sister had never spoken those few words my life would be dramatically different today.
Because of those three encounters I had that day, I made a decision that would change both mine and my father’s lives. I chose to visit him but in doing so something much more important happened. I received healing and closure through that entire experience that I never would have experienced otherwise. My father passed away within six months following my visit and I would never have had the opportunity to see Him and make amends. Sometimes the words you say are more powerful than you can even imagine. Words are powerful and have the ability to both hurt or heal and in this moment the words spoken by three people were life altering in a very positive way. I will never forget this experience and I will always be grateful for the brave people who helped me to make a very difficult choice.
