WHEN LIFE DISAPPOINTS US
A young girl just graduating from high school boarded a plane for one of her first flights. Adventure and opportunity were all she could think of and they seemed to be around every corner. She couldn’t wait to get started experiencing everything and was determined that finally this year she would do just that.
She had grown up in a large one-income family with very little that actually belonged to her. Her life rarely ever presented the opportunity to travel unless it was a family trip in the old station wagon. Flying was a luxury that her family simply could not afford. She loved to experience new cultures and see new places but she rarely ever had this opportunity.
Boarding the flight she found herself nervous because she was now an adult traveling completely on her own. What if she did something wrong? What if she was stranded at the airport? Lost her belongings? If she lost her wallet how would she handle that? So many fears raced through her mind yet the excitement of travel made these fears less prevalent in her mind. She was heading to spend a week in one of her favorite places by the beach and she couldn’t wait to get there. She loved to spend time by the ocean soaking up the sun and taking in a fresh ocean breeze.
The flight
She boarded her flight and sat next to a kind woman with a gentle smile. They sat in silence for a while but the passenger next to her broke the silence shortly after takeoff. She inquired where the young girl was headed and the conversation went back and forth amongst them. The woman advised she was headed home to her family and was on a work trip. When she learned that the young girl was just graduating she inquired about future career plans. At this point, the young girl told her she was still undecided on a college, career plan, or even where she wanted to end up. The only thing she really knew at this point was that she loved to travel and would love to relocate.
The woman quietly listened as she told her about her family and upbringing. The girl mentioned that she rarely was able to get away like this and since graduating she was determined to do more traveling and hopefully move away from home. After listening to the young girl share about her own life the woman spoke. She kindly advised that if the young girl was considering moving away on her own and had an opportunity to do so she recommended doing it . The woman advised that it was always best to do so when you are young and have nothing holding you back. She mentioned that the older you get the harder it is to pick up and move. She stated life just seems to get in the way of such things when you have a career or have started a family. The woman told her that if she really wanted to relocate and start a life outside of her home state that no other time would be as easy as it was right now.
When the girl exited the plane and said goodbye the woman she had no idea that her words would follow her forever. She would recall this conversation over and over as she struggled to make decisions about her future. The woman’s warning is a great caution for many of us that the longer we wait to make our dreams a reality the harder those dreams can be to attain.
Years of questioning her choices
Fast forward about 20+ years and the young girl was now a woman who was turning 40. She was on another plane heading on a brief vacation to Florida. As she sat there on that first flight to Charlotte she was feeling down and stressed. Today was her 40th birthday and she just didn’t feel like she was living the life she had once dreamed. Years of being an adult and the responsibility that carried had stolen away a lot of those dreams of adventure and opportunity. Most days it was all she could do to just tread water at her job, take care of her now two-year-old daughter and maintain any sort of life. The joy and wonder that vacation right after graduation held was long gone now and replaced with the normal day-to-day struggles just like the woman had warned her many years ago.
She sat there questioning the career path she was on and the choices that had led her here today. Nothing will bring back the years that are now gone and the woman’s warning would forever echo in her memory. As she sat there feeling sorry for herself and allowing her joy to slip away, she realized something. Although her feelings are valid she was looking at this all wrong. The discontentment she was feeling was the reason for her less than joyful outlook on life.
At that moment she realized that what she had learned about her self might even help others. Those who might live with past regrets they cannot seem to escape and or even disappointments. Not every regret in life is the same but every regret or disappointment has a lesson that can be learned from it.
If you haven’t realized yet this woman was me and 2021 is the year that I finally broke free of regret. These were feelings that I had struggled with for many years but finally overcame. I recognized on that day that my expectations and dreams were just that and were not my best life. I realized that I was allowing my feelings to control me and steal my joy even when deep down I knew I was where I was supposed to be.
Life lessons and things I needed to realize
My feelings are valid but sometimes they lie to me. Basing decisions purely off of my feelings can be dangerous and is almost always a bad idea.
Life did not lead me down that path and I believe that there were reasons for that. I would have been absent during some very difficult times in my family's life. My sisters required a home to live in for a few years which ended up being mine. My father passed away a few years ago and I would not have had the time with him if I was not close by.
What I am struggling with the most is discontentment which is a much deeper issue. Living with discontentment can be crippling if you allow yourself to dwell on what could have been. Instead, we have the choice to seek joy right where we are right now. Life is never easy and no matter what zip code you live in the grass is not as green on that side as you might perceive it to be.
Realize that we all make decisions with our lives and that sometimes our paths are almost decided for us. In my case I met a wonderful young man just a few years later named Jason. Jason quickly became my best friend and my husband. I made many poor financial choices in my early years that left me with few options other than working hard right where I am today. In all of it though God has provided and guided me along a career path that I never would have expected to be on. This career path although stressful has allowed me to complete college, pay down debt, mature and grow through many experiences in my career. To be honest as much as I do not enjoy the career path I am currently on, I know that God has me right where I am today for a reason.
Regret and discontentment in my life are actually stealing my joy everyday because I’m allowing them to. Dwelling on dreams not realized has caused me to believe that I am missing out on something great.
I will never know the things that could have happened both good and bad if I had made the choice to move. What I do know though is that I would not trade anything for all the blessings in my life. Even if sacrificing those things and people I love would mean my dreams of a home by the beach could have come true.
Final thoughts
Although I still struggle with the “why” in this situation it is obvious to me I made the right choices. I became a Christian as a teenager and when I made that commitment I have recognized the need to prayerfully consider each decision I make in life. If I was supposed to make a choice to move God would have guided me there. My choice to stay was 100% the right choice for me and for my life. It is still tough for me to recognize and accept that truth which conflicts with my own desires. I am faced with a dream that has not yet come true and that is often sad for me. But what if that dream was the wrong path for me? What if the path I would have taken would have led me somewhere far worse
Each choice we make in life matters. The choices help make us who we are and define our purpose. I have made many choices that were prayerfully considered and I see God’s hand in everything. However, as you can tell I am not perfect and I often still question God’s plans. I do know that despite my desires for a new life and the freedom to travel I am where I am meant to be. I hope and pray that someday the dream of relocating becomes a reality.
I believe someday that my dream of moving and creating a new life will become a reality. Until then I will continue to seek joy and appreciate the many blessings in my life. We often think we know exactly what we want in life but really those things we thought we had wanted would never bring as much joy as we have imagined. True Joy is not found in circumstances but is found daily in choosing joy despite life’s struggles, embracing contentment, gratitude for what we already have in our lives.
